I’ve come to notice more and more often that when curiosity is replaced by certainty, it’s time to be aware, concerned even. This is especially true in these times.
Curiosity can be replaced by certainty:
When you know what the other person is thinking, so you don’t ask.
When you hear yourself say, “I know myself and that’s not it”, and continue doing what you have been doing
When you ask for input and immediate tell the person, “no, that’s not it”, and you feel like you’ve stood up for yourself, ‘cause you’re certain they were wrong.
Certainty also creeps in when you think:
I’ve done all I can! Are you sure?
That’s not going to work? When there is actually a subtle difference from before and it might work.
Certainty also creeps in at work and pushes curiosity out when we think we know:
How to solve a problem that’s actually eluded us for a while
When someone states a point in a meeting we disagree with
When we fall into the Hero’s Trap (MacKay) and feel like we need to muster magnificent energy to expend it in a Herculean effort
When we make a point and don’t feel the need to explain our thinking
I have to share that at my toughest times in my career, I was certain. I knew what I needed to do. And yet, things didn’t get any better. And I noticed, I was certain about so many things and still things didn’t seem to work.
I feel like being curious is the craziest, most simple thing to do and yet we, as adults, often prefer to be certain.
We don’t like ambiguity? Maybe.
We don’t want to be wrong? Maybe.
Or maybe we just feel like we “should” be certain. We have a position of trust, as leaders, where we are supposed to be certain, right? We are paid to have the answers, right?
The thing about reversing that trend and replacing certainty with curiosity is that it expands your universe. It expands your conversations and your relationships. It has the power to include. And all you have to do is practice wondering, asking questions and being curious.
Make curiosity a practice and see how things change for you!