Hopefully you’ve read the first three articles in the series? In this article we will dive into figuring out who you are now, which is the second step in the change process.
This step I could see being more scary than the others in all honesty. This is the step where you take inventory of who you are now, for real, full accountability to yourself!
The first place to start is taking some time (or using an assessment) to figure out, with a coach or enlisted support person, the values, beliefs, habits and behaviours that are in your toolbox now that will be useful to you as “future you”. This can be a challenge because we are programmed to look for the problems. Stay positive and selective!
If this change is at work and it is about your leadership, then focus on the things you do that support your ability to lead.
The next step is to start, you guessed it, to determine what behaviours that you know you do, that won’t support you in the context of this change?
What are the things you are doing at work that are causing friction and potentially causing you to second guess yourself? What are the things you are doing at home that are driving people crazy and not supporting them?
If this change is at work and it is about your leadership, then list the things you do that might detract from it.
If this change is at home and is about your relationship with a family member or maybe the whole family, focus on the things you do that are supporting what you want and those things that are taking away from what you want.
Take a strengths inventory of some sort. Although you think you know what your strengths are, you are less able to accurately list them than you think!
If assessments aren’t for you then ask a few of your enlisted supporters what they see as your strengths - listen closely and just take in the feedback. Resist the urge to say anything other than, “thank you”!
Weaknesses are things that you need in the context you are in, that you may have no interest in, haven’t practised enough to be good at, or are things you don’t like and therefore won’t do. They aren’t character flaws or anything you need to be ashamed of! List them. Note them. Be aware of them and adjust your approach when they surface!
Next, what are those automatic behaviours you catch yourself doing without thinking? They are usually time and place dependent e.g. you arrive at work, go into your office, close the door and check your mail, everyday. List them on a single piece of paper - they are neither good nor bad, they just are!
Do a values exercise now and identify and dig deep on the things that are most important to you! This is a great place to use the 5-whys - keeping asking why a thing is important until you’ve gone down 5 levels of “why”. Sometimes a thing is important because that’s what you were always told growing up?
Another approach is to get some feedback from the trusted people you are enlisting on what they see you caring about the most.
What beliefs do you hold about those values? Are they actually your beliefs or did you get them from your family? A colleague? Friends? If being fit is important to you and you believe you have to go to the gym, 7 days a week, why is that the case? Would 5 days be enough? 3 days?
How close is this emerging picture to your ideal self? Talk through the differences with your coach and start listing them. Make sure to include the ideal self things that you already have! And note the gaps.
Spoiler alert: this is going to take some time and it is going to be uncomfortable - stick with it!