A whole bunch of things came together for me over the past few weeks. One of them was seeing how things went “sideways” for people because, in my opinion, they didn’t check-in with themselves and ask the question below before launching into a conversation unrelated to the one they just had!
“Where am I coming from at this moment (as I start this new conversation)?”
What meaning do you take from that question?
For me, the question asks “Is what just happened going to influence what I’m about to do?” “Should it?”
Or, a slightly different version, “From what just happened, what am I seeing and perceiving as “real” or important at this moment? Am I seeing things clearly?
Or for leaders, “How is what I am bringing with me affecting the way I think about the person in front of me now?”
This is important because what just happened may have an affect on what’s coming up and it might not serve you well! And, this happens at work and at home (especially possible while self-isolating and maintaining social distances).
By checking in with where we are coming from, at any moment, we are more likely to be able to avoid some of the things we hear people (maybe ourselves) say:
Ah, sorry can we start again?
Ah, I think we got off on the wrong foot?
Sorry about that, it’s not you (too late!).
From building trust, to motivating people, to leading people, your “come from”, that place, that thought, that feeling, just before you meet with someone else, that’s still influencing you, sets you and them up for the actual outcome, before you even start talking, is something you need to be aware of.
Checking your “come from” before engaging a person on your team (or in your family) is a practice, and takes work:
Take a moment to do a reality check, question the way you’re seeing things at that moment.
Adjust your view of the world and check your emotions if you need to
Set your intention and focus on the outcome you really want.
Adjust your approach, start honestly with positive intent and focus on the person in front of you now!
By practicing this, you have a higher likelihood of achieving the outcome you want because you will be able to match your intent with your approach and avoid being influenced by something in your very recent past.